and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
