im having a threesome with these popsicles
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hippo gnu deer
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
