you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
