yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
