Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
