That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
