If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
