They should really pass out barf bags in church
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
