I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
