I faked an abortion last night.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
