I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
