His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
