he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
