Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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