i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
