Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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