He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
