we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
