What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
