im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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