Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
