She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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