my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
