I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
