He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's shark week go big or go home
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
