i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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