Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
