also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just google imaged poop.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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