I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
