Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
