I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
