I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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