i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
