Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
