It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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