Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
