you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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