8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
