She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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