I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
