he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
