My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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