I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
