Betty ford says i'm here all night
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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