That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
