I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
