we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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