I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
