I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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