Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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